Inconsequential Eroticism

An Open Letter to Flaky Models

Dearest, Darlingest, Unprofessional-Acting Peers,

First, I believe some congratulations are in order. How lucky for you ladies! You have found an industry that doesn’t (always) hire based on punctuality, experience, references, and attendance. It appears that you do, in fact, have more brains than a 60-year-old stripper. Good for you for figuring out how to make the best of your top skills: laziness and inconsideration. 

What a fantasy job you have all discovered! “What is this you say? I can make $100 per hour, and I don’t even have to show up prepared and on-time? And I can still come back to work the next day without repercussions? Wow! I’ve found my dream career!” A second round of congratulations are in order for mustering the motivation to use those tiny brains floating around in all that air.

What a horrible life the rest of the world’s individuals must live! Can you believe that employees can actually be fired for consistently showing up late, unprepared, or calling in “sick” or with a “broken down car” too many times? The horror! Even worse, a single day of skipping work without informing the boss can lead to instant termination. Not a problem, you say? You’ll just move on to the next job, right? If only life were that easy! Your potential, new boss has already had a nice chat with your old boss, and neither are interested in paying such an unreliable worker. How could anyone survive in such a world?! My, my! The torture of proving oneself to be worthy of their career position is such a snore!

Ah, the wonders of working in the fantasy land we all know as “freelance internet modeling” are too lovely to behold. You ladies really are lucky, you know. The fact that you’re all immortal means you’ll never age, and you can thus go on in this industry for the remainder of time. You’ll never have to worry about the drudges of life in an office, in any sort of required work uniform, or in an environment where your reputation means more than those pouty lips on your perfect face. 

What more can I say, ladies? Really and truly: congratulations! You’ve found your place in the world, and professionalism be damned for trying to get in your way.

Sincerely,

Hollis Ireland

(Side note: During the 5 years in which I have been modeling, I have never flaked on a single gig, paid or trade. NEVER. I’ve cancelled and arrived late due to illness, flat tires, or other circumstances out of my control, but I have NEVER done so without informing my client as soon as was possible. I can righteously write this blog because I have worked hard for my spotless reputation. To the rest of the ladies who make it that much harder for me to earn the trust of clients: Please step aside and let a professional show you how it’s done.)